how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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