she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
