How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
