I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
