My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
