I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She's the barista slut.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
