Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
