we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
