Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
