Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
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And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
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I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol