...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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