how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
