I accidentally had phone sex last night
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
