he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i dont even know how to be here
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
