We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
