im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
