There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
