After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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