The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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