on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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