this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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