After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
