"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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