cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
