why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
