Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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