Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
