Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
