i think my tv is drunk
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
