I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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