ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
