dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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