Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
