Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
