I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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