I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
