You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
