I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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