I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
