I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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