I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
