i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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