I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
