I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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