Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
