I don't usually arrange sex via text message
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
