First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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