The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
