I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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