Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
