the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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