So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
