the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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