We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
