do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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