Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
