Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
