woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
