The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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