today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen