I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.